One More Tip To Make Resolutions and Goals Stick
I’ve been reading several books over my Holiday break, and one of my favorites has been Atomic Habits by James Clear. We talked last month about creating lasting change and in order to do that it’s a three step process
1. Make the change ridiculously small.
2. Link it to an action you already do each day.
3. Celebrate after you do it.
And why are those three steps important?
1. Make it ridiculously small – so your brain is not stressed or intimidated. When the brain feels overwhelmed, it often shuts down or we are more likely to self-sabotage our efforts.
2. Link it to an action you already do. – This creates a “trigger” for the new action that is already well-established.
3. Celebrate when you are done. – send good chemicals through your body so your brain and body know it is safe with the change.
After reading Atomic Habits, I am going to suggest one more thing that could make a difference and that is to associate the new behavior with your identity, and who it is authentic for you to be. It your goal is to lose some weight or to work out more often, if you can link that activity to your identity that you want to be a fit and healthy person and a good steward of one of your most important gifts – you are going to be much more committed and have an internal or intrinsic motivation.
When we focus on changing outcomes, such as I’m going to run for five minutes every day – we may not be intrinsically motivated. Without internal motivation, it’s easier to change our mind when the going gets tough. If our motivation is, I want to wear a certain article of clothing that is an extrinsic motivation. It is easier to derail with extrinsic motivation than it is with intrinsic.
Here is why this is important.
If we can re-think about the new behavior and why it is important to us, why we value this action, why it is authentic and congruent with what we believe is important …then we can link it to our identity, then we have intrinsic motivation which can really help make it a lasting change.
So instead of telling yourself, I’m going to run for twenty minutes each day, but in the back of your mind you are thinking: I hate running, I’ve never been good at running, I’m going to strain something and then have a doctor bill…
Instead if we can link it to our identity and start telling ourselves, “I am a fit and active person. I am a runner. What do runners do…they run! It’s not a big deal. While I am out walking, I’m just going to run for one minute each day and that makes me a runner!”
Then we are much less intimidated and we aren’t as likely to self-sabotage.
For our teachers and parents let’s think about how this applies to our students. I have several students I work with, who even though they are in college, do not see being a good student as part of their identity. They might say, well I’m coming to college to make lifelong friends and have a fun experience, or to play a sport or to try to get a degree, but I’m not really a good student, I never have been.
Instead, I can encourage them to think of themselves as one of the privileged few who gets to have a college education and they are in college because they have the ability, they are a student, they are a scholar. Or if I can encourage them to realize that they are a police officer in training, and we need faithful police officers, so their identity becomes linked to being faithful at everything they do.
Now as such, what should they be doing? What do good students do? They go to class, they read the textbook, they study for exams, they work in study groups, etc. When they start seeing these actions as part of their identity, they are more likely to do the things associated with it. Rather than just thinking, oh I need to do homework and I just don’t feel like focusing, they see a bigger picture that this is who they want to be…this is who they are!
Think about the young student in your class who has the identity of the class clown instead of as a good student. What if we could work on his or her identity and help them see that they are a capable student. Now as such, how will they act?
I know people who say, I want to be a really solid Christian who lives my faith. What does that look like? Well that probably includes a rich prayer life and time filled with studying the Word. Spending time in discussions, worship, reaching out and supporting others, being kind and compassionate, etc.
We want to be safe drivers, right? But we find ourselves in a hurry and driving faster and faster. If being a safe drive is closely tied to part of your identity, what does that look like? What do safe drivers do? Now my goal is to be a safe driver, not to cut down on speeding.
It’s a simple little switch in our thinking but it can have big implications for our success.